The Last E-Mail*

My time is coming! I still have four days after this email but of

course the reality of going home is hitting me because I have shipped

nearly all my clothes and I'm only left with a carry on until I arrive

in the Americas.

As I prepare to come home I wonder if I've changed at all and if any

of you back home will recognize that change. I know one person who

will not be surprised: my mom.

I heard once that missionaries don't change at all, but they revert to

the kind of person they were when they were young and undiluted. I've

believed it ever since I heard it.

For me, I have to reach pretty far back to get to my undiluted state.

For me by the time I was twelve I was already miserable for some

reason and I thought I was fat when I was eight so let's go way back.

Apparently when I was a toddler I would reach out to strangers in the

super market. Now, as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of

Latter-day Saints, there's nothing more I love than talking to

strangers. I believe now that it is possible to love strangers and

life is more fun when you open up your heart to everyone, while it can

also be painful.

At the age of 22 months if I didn't like someone I pushed them away.

So maybe I don't push people I don't like away but I've earned really

fast reflexes when it comes to avoiding hugs because I've had to avoid

hugs from half of the world's population for a year and a half. I also

now know how to push away temptations and poisonous habits. If I don't

like something, I'm going to push it away. Even if I don't like the

smell of it, I'm going to push it away.

When I was too young to have a real good image of God, I imagined Him

as a T-Rex. In the back of my little mind, I knew that this T-Rex was

with me always. He roared in the face of my 1st grade enemies and

trailed behind the bus on the way to and from school. I loved Him and

knew He was always with me. As time went on and I knew God as a Man of

flesh and bones, I thought I didn't have the same communication

channel with Him as I did when He was a Dinosaur. When He was a T-Rex,

He knew I was sad or mad in the exact moment. I could just think about

how lonely I felt and He would be there. But now, as a Man, I thought

I had to pray to Him to commune with Him. At the end of my mission

I've realized that I can pray while teaching a lesson, I can pray

while my companion approaches a stranger. I am in communication with

my God nearly every waking moment and it's awesome

Let's face it folks sin makes you stupid and despite being a smart

little girl as I grew up and my sins got serious I got stupider. Not

to say I don't sin now, OF COURSE I do but I don't sin in the same

ways I used to and that makes me smart like I used to be. S/O to the

love of my life of a member in the Ward I'm serving in right now for

teaching me that.

Really, when it comes down to it, the way you were raised makes you a

great missionary. I have seen so many missionaries revert to the

children they were and sometimes it wasn't pretty. All the

compliments, acclaim, and praise I receive could easily be directly

forwarded to my mom because I am who I am because of her.

Happy Mother's Day! I love you! I'll see you super soon,

Sister Goldsberry

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